2012 Olympic Competitor

New Location

2006-01-29T12:59:00.000Z

Hi all.

My relationship with this interface has exhausted itself. If you've navigated here directly, please now set your sights here:

NEW - ALL NEW!

archery at lord's

2006-01-23T16:49:00.000Z

If you're a fan of cricket, which almost certainly requires you to be a resident of the UK or a former member of the British empire, then you'll know that mere mortals never get to play on the hallowed ground that is Lord's. Home of cricket. Home of marvellous, English (and Welsh) cricket.

But those Olympians reading and writing, could have their chance. You may choose to take up the leather on willow sport of gentlemen, compete for your village, win through countless rounds and end up playing a final on the green lush grass.

Alternatively, you could choose like me to pick up a bow and arrow, practise for 6 years, convince a country to give you both citizenship and a place on their Olympic team and compete at Archery in the 2012 Olympics.

So, archery is looking rather favourable - it's a skill based sport, involves little pain, is manageable in 6 years and will be held at Lord's.

- J

sir steve redgrave cbe emails ...

2006-01-16T12:57:00.000Z

What a lovely surprise in my inbox this morning. Sir Steve Redgrave, him of the 5 gold medals at 5 different games, kindly passed on his encouragement via email writing

"... wish you the very best of luck with your fundraising ... look forward to seeing you compete at the Olympics in 2012".

Well, that is nice. I was having a shocking day up until then.

Thanks Steve, I wish you all the best too. Do stay in touch!

- J

new year, new graphics

2006-01-15T20:14:00.000Z

Good evening to you all. Those readers who have been popping by during the day may have noticed the odd change occuring. (I'm hoping that you considered them odd as a synonym for infrequent). Most of the work is now complete save for wiring up the new menu to some content - I hope you'll forgive me if I leave that for another day.

Why the change? A good question - I could have certainly used the time today more profitably, like, for example, getting some archery practise in.

A website called www.insidethegames.com which is dedicated to the London bid and subsequent games warned me of possible legal action for any website that infringes the rather stringent rules surrounding Olympic logos. The official London site makes direct reference to the fact that London is "obliged to protect the Olympic Marks in order to raise the funds needed to host the 2012 Games". I'm not a lawyer, but I'm sure that's code for "I'll sue you, your wife and your donkey Gerald for all your collective worth." I personally don't want to lose my house so a minor alteration to remove the rings seemed pertinent. I hope you don't mind.

All this work did detract from my letter writing, which is long due to be the done. Sorry, it'll just have to wait.

- J

venn diagram the sports

2006-01-11T22:07:00.000Z

My journey from office back home takes 2 hours - it's not that the traffic is particularly bad, it's more to do with the fact that I live 110miles (180km) from work. No sympathy required. It does however allow plenty of time for thought and for catching up with friends on the phone as I go.

One such caller today was Nigel, a thoroughly top fellow who has recently taken to reading these pages. Nigel was suprised at my current list of sports for consideration and was concerned that I'd not given it quite enough thought yet. He was concerned that some of my sports could result in some personal injury.

In truth, I think Nigel was trying to be kind and trying to warn me away from Greco-Roman wrestling. He's seen me in the office and I think the vision of me-in-leotard was frightening even he, a friend. He warned me about "danger", "pain", "twisted limbs" when I think, secretly, he was most concerned about "leotard", "LEOtard" and "LEOTARD".

Anyway, I can see through the veiled warnings about dangerous Olympic sports. But it does appear that a quick Venn diagram might not be a bad step : All sports, Sports that I can do in 7 years time, Sports that are dangerous. From this, I mentally worked out that Archery and Shooting might still be go-ers. I'm informed that when you play with a county-standard player (such as Nigel - show off), a table-tennis ball can sting, but rarely draws blood.

Wise words.

artistry with cups

2006-01-09T15:15:00.000Z

One of my regular correspondents has drawn my attention to the remarkable skills of one Emily Fox, of location unknown. Thanks to the genii of the boys from Google, news of her undoubted skills can be spread to the world. And dear readers, this is pretty remarkable.

It is suggested that cup-stacking might in the future become an Olympic sport. If it were, I would suggest that it could be both a speed event [set moves against the clock] and also an artistic sport [artistry with cups, points for flair, fewer cups wins].

Be it the speed or the artistic event, I've got my work cut out for Emily Fox is the Roi Renard - I've watched the video several times now and I just can't quite fathom how she's doing it. But this rather matters not.

Click and enjoy

Of course, regular readers will know that nominations for new sports for 2012 have now closed, but there's always the 2016 games to consider.

- J

2012OC, ambassador mcIlroy to south america

2006-01-05T09:38:00.000Z

A regular reader has recently embarqued on a 3 month tour of South America, taking in all the continent has to offer. Whilst her main mission (I'm told) is to improve her Spanish and complete some voluntary work, it's clear that she's also doing a little 2012OC scouting work.

She writes, "The national sports here are, and you have a choice of two, Bull Fighting and Cock Fighting", which is good to know. Bull fighting is not the kind of sport that one would like to practice at - I mean, surely you wouldn't want to face an angry bull when not fully competant. And as for the cocks - I guess they look after themselves.

Ambassador McIlroy is also doing her best to tick of various South American countries on the map for me too, thus ensuring that I get complete worldwide coverage for the story. Keep up the good work Ambassador!

- J

donations now accepted online

2006-01-04T13:47:00.000Z

Happy New Year to you all - welcome back.

Some correspondents have been generous enough to offer a few pounds or dollars, to either humour me or encourage me along the route to success. As of today, there is a new simple way to donate money towards the cause.

Via Just Giving you can now donate using your credit card. All the money raised via this site will go directly to Oxfam's excellent worldwide projects - a truely worthy charity. Give whatever you can, whatever you wish - I really appreciate your generosity.

- J

Luxembourg calling...

2006-01-01T12:35:00.000Z

Dear Luxembourg,

I notice that you've been visiting this site recently.

Are you the King or Queen? Do you know them?

Get in touch.

- J

Writing to Governments

2005-12-31T15:36:00.000Z

Over the course of the last 6 weeks, I have written to countless national governments and Olympic organisations - details have been noted in previous postings, you may have read them.

In every instance, my communication has been via email and, save for the governments of Belize and Liechtenstein, I've not received a single reply or acknowledgement. It seems that governements are paying nothing more than lip service to the new age of open communication and websites.

Shame really, it just makes my job slightly harder.

So, my new year resolution (with the new year 8hours away), is to get into the 19th and 20th century and to do some proper letter writing. I suspect that governments will take more kindly to such an approach - well, it's what I hope. The replies will also make a rather pleasing collection for the bathroom.

Happy New Year to you all if I don't see you between now and then.

- J

Lord Coe smiled

2005-12-27T13:55:00.000Z

Lord Sebastian Coe, onetime formidable Olympic athlete and nowtime leader of the 2012 London Olympic Committee, just happens to work in the same building as a reader (and friend) of this website. Too good an opportunity to miss? Too right!

So, whilst Sebby and Steve were in the lift together last week, Steve dropped details of this particular Olympic bid into conversation. Pleasingly, instead of instructing his lawyers to "have a word", he actually smiled. I'm no lawyer, but clearly a smile is tacit recognition of a good idea, one that is implicitly supported by the organising committee of the 2012 games? Or am I reading too much into it?

My next rather ambitious bid is to see if Lord Coe would care to wear a 2012OC badge, as available from my online store. I'd be happy to reciprocate with a 2012London badge.

Happy Christmas Seb.

Administrative offices closed for Christmas

2005-12-25T11:39:00.000Z

Merry Christmas to you all. Given the festive cheer, most sporting organisations have closed their offices for the holiday period which is making my quest a little difficult. I have, however, sent out enough requests in the last week or so that their mailboxes will be filled with some lovely new work when they arrive back.

Thank you for your support in 2005, for your helpful comments, for your encouragement. I'll raise a glass to you and wish that 2006 brings you everything you want. And a new nationality for me! Merry Christmas.

European 2012OC Shop now open

2005-12-23T19:53:00.000Z

Owing to popular demand, a European shop has now opened for your official 2012OC merchanise. Remember, anything you buy will help to contribute towards the sponsorship totals. Look fashionable and have a warm "I've donated to charity" feel.

UK&Europe shop : http://oc.spreadshirt.net
US&Canada : http://www.cafepress.com/2012OC

Sadly, I've become a shopkeeper a little too late for Christmas, but you've got a birthday coming up in the next few hundred days haven't you?

If you're planning on going on a big holiday, can I suggest you buy some badges (or buttons as they appear to be called) and give them out for free to anyone you see? Thank you!

- J

The news from FYROM is Република Македонија

2005-12-23T18:19:00.000Z

I've had word from an diplomatic establishment in Macedonia that the world's favourite Former Yugoslav Republic might just be looking for some athletes, especially those that can pay their own way.

Seriously.

I've had word passed to me.

I shall be applying in due course as soon as my contact gets back in touch and let's me know the email address of the President or Prime Minister (Branko or Vlado, you choose!) and suitable authoritative stand-in. I think I'm in with a chance of a natter with a Head of State!

- J

Environmental Protection

2005-12-22T18:29:00.000Z

Welcome to new readers from the US Environmental Agency - really lovely to have you here. Drop me a line - it's always good to hear about how you found this site. Also to visitors from some new countries for the map - South Korea and the Czech Republic recently represented! Glad to have you all here.

- J

Tae Kwon Do in Belgium

2005-12-22T17:19:00.000Z

Mijn naam is Jonathan Phillips en ik probeer deel te nemen aan de Olypische
Spelen van 2012 in Londen.
In 2012 zal ik 39 jaar oud zijn.

Ik ben op zoek naar een sport, een land en 1 miljoen £ voor liefdadige
doeleinden.
Alle informatie is terug te vinden op mijn website hieronder !

Ik heb vastgesteld dat België nog nooit een Olympische medaille heeft
gewonnen in Tae Kwon Do, dus dacht ik dat dit een opportuniteit zou kunnen
zijn voor mij !

Kan u mij bevestigen of het mogelijk is om het Olympisch niveau voor Tae
Kwon Do te behalen in 7 jaar tijd ?
Hoe kan ik de Belgische nationaliteit bekomen ?
Kan u mij het E-mail adres van uw koning bezorgen ?

Vriendelijke groeten,

In summary, I've just asked a Tae kwon Do club adminstrator if he thinks I can become Olympic standard in 7 years, if he can tell me how I can become Belgian and if he has the email address for the King of Belgium. I really can't wait for the answer.

- J

Belgolympics

2005-12-22T15:53:00.000Z

Worldgineer, a regular visitors to these electronic shores, suggested in a recent comment that I should concentrate on the weaknesses of Belgium in order to identify an Olympic opportunity. It's an excellent suggestion.

The first thing to note is that the Belgians, given the size of their nation, are remarkably strong Olympic competitors, knocking up an impressive 155 summer and 5 winter medals since the beginning of time itself. As hinted at in a previous post, archery is a very strong sport in Belgium accounting for 20 of their summer medals, including 10 gold. I've not a chance of winning anything there - they've got archers coming out of their ears in Belgium.

But what of this nation. Where are the weaknesses? Belgium is a small European nation of 10million or so people. It has 3 official languages - French, Dutch and German but woe betide you should you choose the wrong one in which to converse! A good number of people have a staggering comprehension of English which is humbling and embarrassing as I often feel that my spoken English doesn't quite come up to scratch in comparison. It has a coast, not a strong maritime history, but has never-the-less excelled in rowing, swimming and sailing in the past.

They even have a medal in Design for Town planning and in Sculpture, but that's subject for another posting some other time I think!

There is a clear weakness though for Taekwondo - they've never even had a sniff at a medal. I've identified a club in Brussels that's reasonably close to my office (when I visit). I've written to them asking about the sport and about how I might become Belgian! I can't wait for the reply!

- J

How do you ask for a place at the Olympics?

2005-12-22T10:44:00.000Z

A correspondent recently asked if I might publish my email to a world leader : of course.

"My name is [insert name here] and I'm on a mission.

As you may read in my website, I'm looking to win a place at the 2012 Olympics to be held in London and to raise £1m for charities at the same time. Given that I shall be 39 at the time, this is no ordinary mission.

I'm looking for a host nation to give me a place at the Olympics. What will you get in return?

1. Excellent positive publicity given my charitable mission, especially if I'm your first Olympic Competitor
2. The opportunity to help define the charities that will benefit from the money raised.
3. Association with my sponsors.

I am prepared to take joint [insert nationality here] nationality to achieve this aim.

I'd be enormously grateful if you could consider this application and consider too the benefits for your country.

Kind Regards for you and your country,

[insert charming name here]"

Away researching in Brugge

2005-12-22T10:43:00.000Z

This week, my travels took me to the beautiful city of Brugge in Belgium. It's a delightful medaevil city, bounded by canals in all directions, complete with cobbled streets and majestic market squares. I can thoroughly recommend it.

When in Brugge, it's thoroughly rude not to indulge in some of the local fare, so a good few colleagues and I indulged in sampling some of Belgiums 500 beers. As a group, it's possible that we might have completed 5% of what was on offer - foggy heads for everyone the next morning.

As I drank, I learnt some rather remarkable things : it appears that Archery is a very popular sport in Belgium and, of course, it's one of my current prefered Olympic disciplines come 2012. Indeed, Brugge (or Bruges) has a building dedicated to the sport called the Guildhall of the Bowmen. However, the particular form of archery that's popular in Belgium is also vertually unheard of outside of the country : it's call Papingo or Popinjay.

In this version, archers shoot vertically up towards bird targets, scoring points for the bird that they hit. Naturally, Popinjay is downright dangerous, since the invention of gravity by Isaac Newton in 1679 which means that the sharp pointed arrows tend to come back to earth rather close to the perpetrator.

King Charles II also came to stay in Brugge whilst in exile due to less-than-favourable politics in England at the time. He was made a member of the archery club in Brugge, a position held by every British monarch since.

Papingo is not an Olympic sport sadly, but it's obvious that I will find no shortage of archery coaches in Brugge. Given that Elizabeth II, my Queen Betty is a member, it should be easy to score some practise sessions too. However, given their excellence in the sport, I'm unlikey to apply to Belgium.

- J

NZ$20 says I get to the Olympics

2005-12-18T16:12:00.000Z

Who fancies a bet? NZ$20 maybe? That's about US$13 or GB£8. The Cook Islands, who use the New Zealand dollar as their currency, have recently received an application from yours truly. Here's hoping - the Cook Islands look wonderful.

Olympic Association of Belize

2005-12-18T15:59:00.000Z

Just keeping you in the loop and up to speed : An email was dispatched to Mr Edward Pitts, President of the Belize Olympic Association earlier today. Hopefully, he'll have a chat with Said (the PM) and we'll all have this wrapped up by Christmas.

Prime Minister Said Musa

2005-12-17T15:14:00.000Z

The Hon. Said Musa, Prime Minister of Belize has received my email and is now considering my request to become Belizean and also to compete for his great country in the Olympics.

Well that is good news for a Saturday isn't it?

- J

Den Norske Dataforening Servicekontoret

2005-12-16T19:11:00.000Z

The squad at Den Norske Dataforening Servicekontoret have been regular visitors to this website for the last couple of days - my first visitors from Norway. You're most welcome. In your honour, I've pictured this - your national bird - the Norwegian Blue.

Norway are, of course, a rather successful Olympic nation, knocking up 399 medals over the years. There's only a slim chance that I'm going to become Norwegian and compete for your great nation. Unless you really want me?

I've also just found out via this informative article that the Bahamas (to whom I've recently applied) is actually the most successful Olympic nation at Sydney 2000, given a quick medals per population calculation! Damn! More research required - applying to a very successful nation seems rather optimistic doesn't it?

Hjelpe meg seier en sted inne din Olympiaden lag.

Bahmy Bahamas

2005-12-16T13:37:00.000Z

Today is a cold winter's day here in London. It's no more than 5 degrees C and although sunny, there's little warmth in the skies. In just a few hours from now, it'll be dark.

Maybe I suffer, in a mild way, from Seasonal Affective Disorder, but pictures such as that of Norman Cay (above) contrast so beautifully against the London skies that it warms me and keeps me brighter.

Readers interested in Olympic exploits will also note (or even remember, show offs!) that the Bahamas are Olympic medal winners. In the past games, they have scored impressive wins in Track & Field (Triple Jump men, 4x100 relay, 200m and 400m women's races) and in Sailing (Star, men). 9 medals in total. Good work Bahamas.

But reader, can you spot and opportunity? Sure! You'll note that most of the track and field medals have been won by women and that the sailing medal was as long ago as 1964. In summary, they're crying out for a male athlete with sporting ability, capable of medalling in 2012!

That's not me of course.

But it didn't stop me attempting to convince them that I was their man in an email earlier today to Dr. Nicolette Bethel, the minister for Cultural Affairs.

I can just hear it now ... "Representing Bahamas, Jon-the-geologist in the Archery". It could happen!

Belizean Update

2005-12-15T13:52:00.000Z

I realise now that my research is going to have to delve deeper before I embarque on an application to a country.

I have just come across details of the Belize national anthem which could well be my new anthem in due course. The lyrics are disturbing.

O, Land of the Free by the Carib Sea,
Our manhood we pledge to thy liberty!
No tyrants here linger, despots must flee
This tranquil haven of democracy.

I'm all in favour of the Belize attitude to tyrants and despots (or depots as I almost wrote) - they seem perfectly consistent with a fair democratic society.

However, I'm rather concerned with the behaviour of pledging one's manhood to the liberty of the nation. I'm hoping that it's entirely metaphorical since a nation without manhoods will not remain for long. And how could such a nation be described as a tranquil haven (line4)? Sounds like a bloodbath to me.

Lesson learnt however, I shall be researching national anthems more thoroughly in future.

Belize Belies Belief

2005-12-15T13:36:00.000Z

Sometimes, I just get swept away on a moment and feel compelled to act. For reasons unbeknownst to be, the country of Belize popped to mind today and as a result, they recieved my first application for an Olympic place of the week.

I found the email addresses of both the Prime Minister (Mr Said Musa) and of the rather young looking Minister of Education and Sports, Mr Cordel Hyde. The email was dispatched earlier today so we can all look forward to their response. Readers, I don't think I speak out of turn when I say that Belize is a beautiful country, English speaking, warm, friendly and with a small population which makes it near perfect for my mission.

I've looked up their Olympic record and it's not exactly flush with medals - in fact, Belize hasn't won a single summer or winter medal in all their years. Perfect - could I be the fellow for them?

On a related but tangental subject, what about Equestrian sports? Is it not a matter of getting a big strong horse and holding on tight?

Readers wishing to catch up on the adventures of King Zog and Albania may have to wait a little longer for the much heralded essay. Sorry. A bit.

Spreading the word

2005-12-15T11:34:00.000Z

Dear Reader, sorry for not updating these pages yesterday but I was out at a Christmas work party and struggled for time.

I've just updated the map on the right with details of new visitors spotted on my webstats - welcome readers from China, Tajikistan, Egypt and Bermuda!

Welcome also to readers from Sega, from BNP Paribas and from Proctor and Gamble. Would any of you like to sponsor me?

Hard Cash Offer

2005-12-13T13:07:00.000Z

A generous correspondent wrote this morning and has offered some sponsorship money for this project. It's not quite the £1m need, but a fair offer never-the-less.

He writes :

"I will pledge money in the following manner:

£1 for every refusal letter you receive from a genuine Country Olympic
Committee (not hoping you fail, just encouraging a good pipeline!)
£50 if you successful gain an interview for a position on their team

£100 if you are successful in gaining an Olympic position"

This is not the only such offer. One was far too rude for me to repeat, but amongst the plausible sponsorship opportunities received, this one has some legs.

"£20 now just for being amusing
£250 if you compete (£100 bonus for carrying flag at opening ceremony)
£500 if you win a gold medal"

Are these ramblings worth £20 of your money? I suspect not - not yet anyway. I absolutely admire the confidence of this correspondent in believing that not only might I get a place, but that I might yet carry the flag on the way to winning a gold medal.

Finally, a stroke of inspired thinking from this correspondent who suggested that I might approach a bookmaker prepared to offer some ridiculous odds on my bid. The publicity of the odds would be good for them and good for me - indeed, if the odds were as good as 100000-1 and the winnings were donated to the cause, that'd be it. Money raised.

Are you a bookmaker? Are you willing to offer me odds on my pulling this feat off? Get in touch!

Street Skeleton

2005-12-12T16:23:00.000Z

Surely the one and only thing more foolish than throwing yourself down an icey runway on a metal tray, is to do something similar in a built up area where you have to dodge cars? I introduce Street Skeleton.

Whilst this is not an Olympic sport just yet, one rather confident correspondent suggests that I compete at the winter version in 2010 and then win the IOC over to get a 2012 placement. Long shot of course, but unlikely to hold me back.

He looks so damned proud doesn't he!

- J

2012OC phrase enters consciousness

2005-12-12T16:14:00.000Z

A week or so ago, I adopted the phrase "Leotard Sports" to describe those sports that one would, traditionally, adopt the leotard as attire. They're not an attractive set of sports since the leotard is not an attractive piece of clothing and particularly so on men.

However, reader, one of your brethren stumbled across these pages by searching for "leotard sports" in a search engine. I'm delighted. I've never knowingly created a phrase before save for "pong and niff", used to describe the smells a cat (well my cat) is known to make. I fear I've over stepped the line of familiarity.

In other news, I'm now in training - for what I don't know.

Forget Albania, here's Skeleton

2005-12-12T11:05:00.000Z

Readers still intrigued by my forthcoming essay on Albania will have to wait on just a little while longer sadly. For today, I write to introduce a new sport to you : Skeleton.

Skeleton is a tray and ice based Olmypic sport which essentially involves the poor unfortunate hurtling downhill at horrendous speeds. It's presumably called Skeleton due to the high numbers of deaths - especially on first attempts. Those that survive often become so well versed in the preceedings at A&E (ER) rooms that they have little plaques on the waiting room seats : "Jon's Seat : Plaster of Paris Professional" mine would read.

According to the Wall Street Journal no less, the sport comprises one-third aerodynamics and one-third steering. The mathematicians amongst you will spot that there's a missing third there - I shudder to think what's missing.

Encouragingly, Skeleton requires minimal athletic prowess and very little stamina which makes it rather perfect for this particular competitor. Further, it appears that nations are looking everywhere for warm-bodies to compete in this sport. Even world-class sliders acknowledge that there really isn't much to this game beyond bravery.

I have that.

Unfortunately, Skeleton is perfect save for the fact that it's a Winter sport and I was trying to compete at the 2012 Summer games. However reader, what do you think? Should I consider the 2010 Winter games too and try to compete at both?

- J

Universities lead the way

2005-12-10T22:27:00.000Z

Today, I absolutely fully intended to do some rather important research on Albania so that I could speak from a position of educated authority on the subject in a forthcoming email to their government. Experience in this game has proved that it's rather important to know a little of the country to which you apply. Albania was today's subject, but dear reader, I got rather distracted. If you're from Albania please don't take offence! If you're personally looking forward to my essay on that great European nation, worry not! I will write! But not today.

(If you are from Albania or if you've ever visited, feel free to pass on some tidbits or I shall feel compelled to precis Wikipedia).

Anyway, when inspiration fails me, I always look to my Statcounter for inspiration. There, halfway down, was a new entry, from Harvard University. Crikey. That's quite an educational institution. For those unaware, Harvard looks remarkably like the image in the top left and but I suspect only one of my readers recognised it.

Harvard is in Cambridge, Mass.. I love the fact that one of the USs top universities is in a town named after one of the UKs top universities. Coincidence? Not sure. Thanks for visiting though! Drop me a comment - I'd love to know how you found me!

- J

Artistic Gymnastics officially off limits

2005-12-09T18:31:00.000Z

The official London 2012 site has a very amusing interactive tool to help potential athletes, like myself, decide on the sport for them. Based on the Myers-Briggs personality types, it asks 4 key questions, defines your personality and then suggests some sports.

Dear readers, I am an I-S-T-J, which apparently means I'm a bit like this. I'll leave others to comment on whether this is a fair shout. According to the London 2012 site, this means that I should consider the following sports :

Taekwondo, Judo, Dressage, Fencing, Archery, Cycling, Equestrian, Fencing, Modern Pentathlon, Rowing, Shooting, Swimming, Table Tennis, Weightlifting.

Good news is that I've already picked on a few of these already. Sports to avoid include :

Football (er, yea, it's also a team sport)
Basketball (team sport)
Baseball (team sport)
Artistic Gymnastics (Leotard sport, not good)

So, interesting stuff. Want to have a go yourself? Click and have a go.

2012OC rated above official London 2012 site

2005-12-09T16:50:00.000Z

Funny. Ridiculous. Mad. Curious. I was filtering through my statcounters today and was delighted to read how people stumbled across this website. One punter used msn search to find me, using the searchwords "Olympic 2012".

This website is now on the front page of MSN search. That's pretty good. But, the most ridiculous thing is that it's about the official website of the London 2012 organising committee.

Just got to work the magic on Google next.

Shove Ha'Penny

2005-12-09T16:08:00.000Z

Some older readers of this journal have clocked the image on the left there and have let out a collective nostalgic "aaahh", shortly accompanied by a "I remember those" and followed up with the inevitable "I remember when you could buy a rambling 10 bedroom pile in Dorset for three of them". Old people. Love 'em.

Shove Halfpenny, oft-writ as Shove Ha'Penny (and always pronounced "hayp-knee") is a bar game that used to employ the pre-decimal coin shown above and a graduated board. The player would have to shove the coin along the board, whereupon it's landing spot corresponded to a given score. Or similar.

Tragically, however good the game is, it's not an Olympic sport and very unlikely to be due to the global fascination with decimalisation and inflation* which has rendered this coin obsolete and worthless (although not necessarily in that order) and it's clear that you couldn't play with any other coin. Could you?

On the Olympic sporting front, the country:sport matrix is now ready for populating. We're soon to start our collective research country by country. Albania first.

- J

* Lies, all lies! Sorry, I've misled you. Is it only me that wishes to pronounce the word misled as "mizzelled"? Can't quite get my head around it.

Competing the alternative way

2005-12-09T14:20:00.000Z

It's always a pleasure to receive an email from readers of this website and today's offerings were no different.

One such correspondent offered a new insight into competing at the Games in London 2012. It's apparent from her email to me that she doesn't share an enormous confidence in my ability to excel in sports at the Games and has offered a wistful alternative. She writes :

"How about volunteering to help out at the Games. Once there, engage your fellow volunteers in a game of shove halfpenny or hopskotch. That way, you'll be competing at the Games, if not actually competing".

You can't fault it for logic, but it does feel a little astucious and serpentine. However, needs may, so I'll file this idea and call upon it if required. You never know.

2012OC Slogan Contest

2005-12-09T12:01:00.000Z

In the early hours of the morning, when this particular wouldbe athlete-cum-shopkeeper was opening up for business, inspiration was pretty short. The artwork that now glistens joyfully on mugs and fitted tees was rather too quick in the making.

However, a helpful Washington state correspondent who was up when the shop opened its doors, has kicked off preceedings with a suggestion for new graphics. Do you have ideas too? Sure you do! Click the comment button and let me know. Best one in the eyes of the judges (me, or Jacques Rogge, all depends), will be produced and made available for purchase.

My current shop is based in the US as you may have noticed. The obvious advantage of good value given to the exchange rate is beautifully balanced by the cost of shipping, however, I will be opening a UK shop in due course. News on that later.

What thingst thee of the new sidebar stuff?

Coming soon : 2012, the eBay auction.

2012OC Shop opens for business

2005-12-09T02:17:00.000Z

The 2012 Olympic Competitor shop opened for business at 2:15am as a bout of sleeplessness overcame me. Fashioned from the very best materials, these items are unique souvenirs of the 2012OC story.

I was never much of salesman and it could be argued, not much of a fashion designer or athlete either, but I've done my best for you readers and hope that you might be tempted to treat yourself or one of your loved ones with one of these items. Special requests might be possible, it's worth asking me.

There is a small mark up on each item such that the shop is able to make money which, in turn, will be added to the totals towards the magic £1m. So, as you buy, remember that not only will you look stylish, but that you've helped me towards the goal to. Marvellous eh?

You can shop here

Sad Dog, Sad Day

2005-12-08T12:15:00.000Z

Bad news I'm afraid, I've been tipped off by a reader's Dad who wanted to see Cricket in the Olympics.

Some demonstration sports were included in the Olympic Games up until 1992. The host city organising committee integrated the demonstration sports into the official Olympic Sports programme. However, this created a great deal of extra work and costs and at the IOC 95th session in 1989 it was decided that demonstration sports should be eliminated as from 1996 Atlanta.

Ordinarily a sport may only be added to the programme seven years before the date of the Games and this is done by the IOC Session. There will be no new sports for the 2012 Games.

In addition, at its session in July 2005, the IOC decided to remove softball and baseball from the schedule."

Evidence!

So, darts and Footbadivolley are both out then, but on the positive side, Grec-Roman wrestling is still in.

- jon

Email not delivered

2005-12-08T11:48:00.000Z

I've been led a bum steer unfortunately. My email to Mr Jacques Rogge has been bounced back as not known. I'm quite sure the IOC know who Jacques is, it's somewhat more likely that I have the wrong email address. Can anyone help out? Anyone any idea how I might contact the grand fromage?

It's all about the money

2005-12-08T11:17:00.000Z

Dear Reader, you'll know that this is project is not just designed to fill long idle hours, I'm aiming to raise £1m (approx. $1.6m) in sponsorship money towards worthy charities. Today I write to appeal to you.

Currently this website receives a small but healthy number of visitors per day and you could be enjoying their patronage too by sponsoring my bid. At it's smallest level, a link could be added to my sponsorship area, but what about your logo up in my header graphic. In time, a healthy mention for your company during press interviews. Let's not be shy about it, this could be the perfect project for your company.

Let's also not be coy about budgets. This could be written to your advertising budget or written off to charitable donations. This isn't just about 2005 or 2006 - you could invest and write the investment off against every year until 2012.

In other news, I notice that Sealand, which could be my host nation, are selling passports. Hey, Prince Roy! How about giving me one?

- J

[Yes, quite right, I have just discovered I can add images]

Just a quickie?

2005-12-07T22:19:00.000Z

Who works at Verio Inc? Is that you, Worldgineer?

Another 2012 Olympic Competitor?

2005-12-07T21:55:00.000Z

Well, not quite.

A very astute reader has been googlin' on my behalf and made a rather startling discovery : there has already been one of me and I'm the second. I'd best explain.

I'd rather not give my full name here, although you may already know it, but it appears that a gentlemen with the same name has already competed at the Olympic Games. Amazing. My correspondent suggests an 'easy' fix : change my name.

I'm not I'm quite prepared for this move. It's quite a step to offer to change my nationality.

- J (Although maybe not J anymore, maybe H. Or. K. Or a different J)

'Arras

2005-12-07T09:43:00.000Z

'Arras! Yep, you gottitain't ya? 'Arras! Bow n 'Arras!

When I was at school, in 6th form (16-18years old for non-UK readers), our common room as delightfully equipped with a table-tennis table and a dartboard. Most free periods, when we should have been studying, were spent honing our pub sport skills. Or something.

As a result, I left school with 4 good A-Levels, a steady darts arm and a mean table-tennis backhand. Not all of these worthy qualifications feature on my resume.

But one eloquent correspondent noted that darts could possibly be an exhibition , or possibly a full on sport for the 2012 Olympics. What do you know! A sport that I've actually got experience at?

Will Killer Darts be one of the legitimate disciplines?
Will all competitors have to have a nickname?

- Jon "The Geologist" Arras-Thrower.

Leotard sports, the sequel

2005-12-06T17:20:00.000Z

A rather general question I know, but why is it that some sports utilise the (jean-christophe) Leotard and some plain old shorts?

Dear reader, you know my aversion to the leotard - the arguement has been well rehearsed on these pages already, but this has not stopped a recent correspondent suggesting another leotard sport : shot-put.

Worldgineer writes, "Shot put. That's where the action's at. You pick up a rock, you throw it". Very little argueing with that standpoint is there? And, let's be frank here, I do have some experience of rock-chucking. As a child I was certainly known for picking up stones and throwing them, but Olympic quality boulder-lobbing is surely another matter.

Worldgineer also notes, interestingly, that the early Olympics were all male, all naked affairs. I too have experience in this regard, but I'm not prepared to demonstrate this to the world at large and, although they don't know it, I've really saved them some pain.

But I can't shy away from the fact that the shot is another leotard sport which leaves me a little cold. I have to admit though that other than the costume, this sporting choice has legs, so I fear I must include it in my sporting disciplines list.

Shot-put. Added. Thanks.

Synchronised Swimming

2005-12-06T15:10:00.000Z

Speedos
Nose Pegs

Oh No.

Footbadivollery

2005-12-06T13:42:00.001Z

I love reading through my statcounter and seeing who is visiting 2012O-C and catching up on the news. Today's visitors include Helen, Mark and Tom and a charity called Scope. Nice to have you visit. Drop me a comment.

One of today's correspondents suggested that I try and create my own sport and, to quote "...simply get it affliated to the IOC and enter". I suspect that getting a new sport affliated to the IOC is no trivial matter, but it's worthy of consideration.

Got me thinking though : if I was to create a new sport, what kind of sport would you have? My initial (and therefore poorly considered) sport was a sorta football-cum-badminton-cum-ice dance-cum-volleyball-cum-archery, presumably called Footbadivollery in which teams of 4 people kick a shuttlecock over a net and onto a target. Points scored for the closest to the bull, with a minimum of 4 interchanges between players. Extra points scored for artistic flair. Highest score after 11 cocks, wins.

It's a winner isn't it?

Ah, Lovely

2005-12-05T19:40:00.000Z

Readers from the UK may recall a TV programme named "How to start your own country", hosted by a gentleman called Danny Wallace, or as I should correctly announce him, King Danny I.

For Daniel did indeed achieve his aim to create his own country.

His new nation, called Lovely, has recently received an application to become it's first Olympic athlete from yours truely. I've written to King Danny I and asked about his Olympic credentials - after all, I don't want to waste my time! Time is of the essence here, 7 years and counting to go. I'll let you know when His Highness returns my email.

I've signed up to join Lovely. Ah.

Sealand : A reply

2005-12-05T08:54:00.000Z

Some reasonable news at last.

Sealand have not rejected my application outright and instead have opted for a "let's have a look atcha then" kind of approach. My inbox this morning contained this reply

"Dear Sir (actually, I added that bit, otherwise it might appear curt and I'm sure that's not what they meant),

Many thanks for your interest and recent e-mail to the Principality.

We are in the process of attempting registration with the IOC and will keep your offer in mind; meantime you might wish to make formal application by post [our address is below] and enclose a full cv setting out your experience so that we may further assess your candidacy.

Chief of Bureau

Bureau of Internal Affairs
Principality of Sealand
SEALAND"

Ah ha! So, they don't have official recognition from the IOC as I suspected, but at least they're ahead of the game and are actively seeking registration. Great news.

On the downside, they do wish to assess my candidacy by reading my CV. I'll share a secret with you - in not one paragraph of my CV does it mention my latent athletic prowess, so unless they also need a project manager, reading my CV is not really going to help. Of course I'll send a CV!

Ooo, and Sealand? Thanks.

Sport:Country matrix

2005-12-04T23:14:00.000Z

Dear reader - We've all got to act to maximise our chances. For you, it might mean going that extra mile to win a promotion or payrise but for me, it's about trying to win the place at the Olympics.

I need you to understand that there are certain depths to which I will not plummet to win that all important place. A recent correspondent wrote :

"Dear jon,

Have you considered simply lopping off a foot or pouring acid into your eyes and winning a legitimate place at the paraOlympics.

yours helpfully,

anon"

Well... it would be anonymous wouldn't it? I'm not going to go that far. But, maximise my chances I must and so an elaborate sport:country matrix is as we speak being drafted on my office wall. For each country, I'm recognising their sporting prowess (easy, count medals) and by elimination, identify the sports that they're not so good at.

From here, I merely need convince the authorities that I'm your man should they wish to break their Olympic duck at sport x. It's foolproof, except for the obvious requirement for some skill and experience at the sport in question. But you know me, I'm game, I'll give it a go.

Your homework : Which sport is your country a bunch of ferrets at?

Spreading the word

2005-12-03T22:58:00.000Z

Since the launch of this website just one week ago, over 1500 visitors have graced these pages, hailing from 34 different countries. That's a pretty amazing start.

You can see where my visitors have come from here.

Now if each of those 1500 visitors sent this address to 10 of their friends, those friends did the same and those friends the same again, 1.5million visitors would visit by this time next week.

So please, send this address to your friends and remember to call back. More visitors will give me more chance of raising the sponsorship so your visits, your clicks on the ads really do make a difference. Cheers.

Table-Tennis

2005-12-02T19:14:00.000Z

Perfect surely?

It's a one man sport.
It's played indoor (good for the British winter)
Bats are cheap

Naturally, no hope of a medal, but that's hardly the point

Rod Stewart

2005-12-02T10:23:00.000Z

An enthusiastic correspondent has been in touch. It's rather nice to know that people are reading and are getting as excited about this project as I am.

The gentleman who wrote was not Rod Stewart, but I figured that if I entitled my post this way, Google might pick it up and I would gain some new wayward traffic. Mmmm... not just thrown together.

The new sport is Sailing. (see, there was a link after all). I'm reliably informed that it's not too expensive to learn and compete, so on the face of it, it's plausible and will be added to my Sporting Disciplines section is due course.

So. Can anyone lend me a boat? Better still, Sunseeker, would you care to sponsor me? (I know that's not technically sailing, but no harm in having a comfortable way to travel *to* my dinghy?)

On another positive note, your clicking on my adverts above here is helping to raise c. $4 a day from my friends at Google. Advertising alone, should these excellent rates continue, will raise $10k towards my target. A long way to go, but thank you anyway.

Leotard Alert

2005-12-01T23:11:00.000Z

Ever since Jean-Christophe Leotard* invented his eponymous item of clothing, women have feared the time when their men-folk take to wearing them. The leotard barely looks attractive on women, but it's it's down-right offensive on men. How should I put it : I think it shows a little too much of the tackle.

One of my readers has suggested that I add Greco-Roman wrestling to my growing list of potential sports. I think this is an awful concept for my fellow man and I'm not sure I can inflict it on the television public. London takes GMT which will mean that the 2012 Olympics is likely to be the most watched Games ever and I'm not sure that I'm totally comfortable with 6.5billion people looking at my nob.

I understand that my current lack of both Greek or Italian citizenship is not a hinderance in this sport but, come now, how much fun would be be to be Italian? My wife would be delighted as she's adamant that if I am to take another nationality, it should be for a warm, sunny country. Personally, I think I may just have to go wherever someone will have me.

Greco-Roman wrestling is officially (but oh so reluctantly) added to the list.

* Totally made up firstname - it was actually Jules, but I think Jean-Christophe was much more....er.... French.

Crikey...

2005-12-01T20:07:00.000Z

A visitor from the European Commission in Brussels popped by today. I'm honoured. I really hope you've enjoyed what you've seen and that you can spread the word of my mission.

You're not a Head of State by any chance ...?

Microsoft

2005-12-01T16:09:00.000Z

Hello. Have I got the right person?

Someone from Microsoft in Seattle has been reading this website and catching up on the Olympic competing news. Niiice.

Might as well cut to the chase : Would you like to sponsor me? Ah go on.

Dear Prince Roy of Sealand

2005-12-01T11:52:00.000Z

Dear reader,

Across the world there are a handful of small islands that have claimed nation state status for various reasons.

This particular island, Sealand is "conveniently" situated a mere 65-100 miles from the coasts of the Northern European countries. I have no clue what is convenient about this positioning and their otherwise helpful website fails to elaborate.

What I do know is that they have managed to establish their independent state credentials via a ruling the British High Court, which is an important step.

But what's the point of my telling you this as this is not a holiday website and I would suggest that only the hardiest would consider this as a destination.

Well reader, they are looking for athletes. What splendid news, because as you know, that's what I am!

Unfortunately, they are not affiliated with the IOC so currently, they can't offer me a place at the games, but, surely, that's a formality!

More news anon...

Brussels today, tomorrow the world

2005-11-30T12:19:00.000Z

Today reader, you find me in Brussels, heart of the European community. I'd love to say that I'm here to negotiate a place at the Olympics, but sadly, I'm here for work - the stuff that pays my bills.

Good news : Sao Tome Principality have sent confirmation of my email

Bad news : Apple Inc do not wish to get involved. Tsk.

Actually, Apple said that given the money they've donated this year, they regret that there is no more budget left for 2005. Mmm... have they not noticed? I'm in this for the long term. In 6 weeks time, when January comes around, I shall reapply. Can't be fobbed off that easy, I'm made of slightly firmer stuff.

A rather helpful reader has suggested two further sports to try : Tennis and Handball. They'll be added to my potential sport list in due course.

Another correspondent (ok, Colin, my friend) has volunteered to film and photo me taking part in each and every Olympic discipline to allow me to get a feel for the sport and to help define how I'll participate. Dear reader, it's going to be no fun.

Dear Jacques Rogge...

2005-11-29T15:09:00.000Z

A kind reader has managed to get me Jacques Rogge's, President of the IOC, email address. A polite email has been dispatched. Thank you.

Dear readers though, I need your help. Are you, your parents or grandparents a Head of State, newspaper editor or TV programme commissioner? Thought not. Ok, how about just sending this url to some friends - they might be world leaders.

Thanks for your support so far. Keep reading and writing. - J

New nationality wanted

2005-11-29T09:26:00.000Z

Dear reader,

Liechtenstein are not demonstrating the same enthusiasm to accept me as they did initially to reject me, so I've applied to come other countries to see how the land lies with them.

Courteous emails despatched to Sao Tome, Lesotho, San Marino and the Federated States of Micronesia, requesting a place at their Olympic tables.

Surely someone would like to take on this gifted athelete(!)?

Traffic Report

2005-11-28T15:50:00.000Z

2 days after launching and my traffic is already up to 100 hits per day. I'm rather honoured!

Still nothing back from the Liechtensteiners though ... hopefully there'll be some news soon on that front.

In the meantime, if you happen to be Jacques Rogge IOC President, the President of your country's Olympic Association or it's head of state, feel free to get in touch. I could use a moment of your time.

Liechtenstein : A half-hearted rejection

2005-11-27T21:39:00.000Z

Liechtenstein, my proposed adopted country, are enormously efficient which, to be honest, it's a virtue I much admire in a nation state. Readers to this site will know that not many hours have passed since I applied for an Olympic place and yet, there in my inbox, is a polite reply, reading :

"Dear Jonathan,

Thank you for your interest in our country and especially in our sports.
Unfortunately it is not possible for you to compete for our country in Olympic Games.
Not only that the Olympic rules demand the citicenship of the country the athlete is competing for, but we also strictly support our national athletes. Sorry for that.

Enjoy your sports and good luck to you.

Kind regards
Monika Lang-Plüss
DIENSTSTELLE FÜR SPORT"

Well now. On the face of it, this rather looks like I've been turned down. But, look closely, there's still avenues to explore hidden within this political reply.

They will only support their national athletes : mmm... but I will be self-supporting and thus cost nothing
I'm not a Liechtensteiner : mmm... but I'm prepared to become one as you, dear reader, well know.

So, the door is not closed. I've written back to Monica to explain my position more clearly - in German of course, a language I don't speak. Well, you've got to show willing haven't you?

Liechtenstein : An application

2005-11-27T00:53:00.000Z

Dear kind reader,

I realised pretty early on in this endeavour that my own country, Great Britain, is rather unlikely to give me a place at their Olympic table. Whilst a small nation, we rather punch above our weight sport-wise, which means that the British Olympic Association are unlikely to drop their standards and offer me a place.

My thoughts were that a smaller nation might be a better option and Liechtenstein, with it's sub 50k population seemed a fair choice.

I wrote :

"Dear Sir/Madam

I've read your website with interest and scoured the internet for additional Liechtenstein resouces and have been delighted with what I have learnt. Liechtenstein is clearly a delightful and beautiful country. I've read with interest about your sporting excellence, particularly in winter sports, but have noticed an opportunity for your country : summer olympic sports. I'm a keen sportsman and would like to compete for your country in the future. I realise that as a UK citizen, this is somewhat unusual situation, but I'd welcome your views as to how I might go about this.

With high regards for you and your country, Jonathan"

Liechtenstein, apart from being one of only two doubly land-locked countries in the world is not reknowned for it's sporting prowess. I figured that there was a chance that I was already Liechtentstein's best archer if only they'd give me the chance.

So, the journey has started, we're on the move.

The start of the journey

2005-11-25T11:29:00.000Z

Here goes nothing eh?

2 months ago, whilst I was curiously sober, an idea came to me : Why not compete at the Olympics in London? Those of you who have seen this less-than-fine athlete will know that sporting prowess is not really my thing. But come now, it's 7 years away isn't it. Is it possible for someone to train and get to a high standard of international competition in 7 years? I have no idea, but we'll soon find out.

So, my mission : to compete at the 2012 Olympics. Watch this space and follow the journey to London.

Immediate help required : A sport, a coach, equipment, a country and plenty of sponsorship, all of which will be given to charity. Keep coming back.

2012 Olympic Competitor

New Location

archery at lord's

sir steve redgrave cbe emails ...

new year, new graphics

venn diagram the sports

artistry with cups

2012OC, ambassador mcIlroy to south america

donations now accepted online

Luxembourg calling...

Writing to Governments

Lord Coe smiled

Administrative offices closed for Christmas

European 2012OC Shop now open

The news from FYROM is Република Македонија

Environmental Protection

Tae Kwon Do in Belgium

Belgolympics

How *do* you ask for a place at the Olympics?

Away researching in Brugge

NZ$20 says I get to the Olympics

Olympic Association of Belize

Prime Minister Said Musa

Den Norske Dataforening Servicekontoret

Bahmy Bahamas

Belizean Update

Belize Belies Belief

Spreading the word

Hard Cash Offer

Street Skeleton

2012OC phrase enters consciousness

Forget Albania, here's Skeleton

Universities lead the way

Artistic Gymnastics officially off limits

2012OC rated above official London 2012 site

Shove Ha'Penny

Competing the alternative way

2012OC Slogan Contest

2012OC Shop opens for business

Sad Dog, Sad Day

Email not delivered

It's all about the money

Just a quickie?

Another 2012 Olympic Competitor?

'Arras

Leotard sports, the sequel

Synchronised Swimming

Footbadivollery

Ah, Lovely

Sealand : A reply

Sport:Country matrix

Spreading the word

Table-Tennis

Rod Stewart

Leotard Alert

Crikey...

Microsoft

Dear Prince Roy of Sealand

Brussels today, tomorrow the world

Dear Jacques Rogge...

New nationality wanted

Traffic Report

Liechtenstein : A half-hearted rejection

Liechtenstein : An application

The start of the journey

How do you ask for a place at the Olympics?